You can never grasp too hard, and you can never grasp too soft.

This entire week was the week of my little sister's birthday, she turned 12, the last age until you hit the teens, she told me, "Bella, I'm not ready to grow up." I looked at her with a 'what-did-you-say' look, she is very mature for her age, so her comment didn't hit me as much as it did. I wondered, why would she be concerned at this point? I told her in all my best knowledge I said, "Don't worry, it's the best part of life." she said, "okay, I guess." With me being the older sister and a female role model for her, except my grandma, is a little nerve racking on my end. Making sure you're making the right decisions in front of her. I know everyone makes mistakes, but my goal is to be a perfect role model for her.

On my end, with having my own struggles of high school and just life in general. If i'm so caught up with my sister and how close we are together, of course i'll be concerned about my grandma on a daily basis. It is just three of us in this household. Observing my grandma within these two months project, seems a little bit like a roller coaster. You can't close your eyes or you'll miss either something beautiful or terrible. Or if you miss one class, you'll be left behind on work. Of course, I'll be with my grandma 24/7, but without any observation or keeping mental notes in my head for my project is a bit of a struggle. I sometimes think that my field notes is like a diary to me, I have to update it every time something ecstatic happens to my grandma or something negative she tells me.
"Well, you know when your stressed out of your damn mind, then there's my grandma. She never listens to what's so important to me. She would honestly miss your Wedding Day if you told her." field notes/Tuesday, 21 October

At my sister's party, I was talking to my very close cousin she is older than I am, she is what i call 'word of the wise', she told me something that changed my perspective in life.  
She said, "Okay, so you grab a hand full of sand in one hand, and if you grasp and squeeze the sand from your palms the sand will escape from your hands, right? Now, when you hold your hand straight and still, there is still sand but, not every ounce of it is there, sand is still falling. Now, when you cup you hands gently and softly, not one sand pebble has escaped it is all still there."
With that said, she said that the sand was representing how much effort you are willing to put into, whether it is in a relationship or friendship it all depends. However, in my case it was how much effort can my grandma put to accepting the fact that I'm in a relationship and still am in the process of growing up. Whether she will control my decisions, or will she carelessly put no effort, or will she support my every decision?